What a laudable young man.
Like Benjamin, I think I hurt easily too and am perhaps more of a pessimist than the optimist I claimed to be. I’ve tend to insert rationality into explaining things that hurt. Being too caring, too emotional was nuanced negatively as I distance myself from being too in touch with those feelings that seek to tear me apart. Michigan happened because I didn’t want to feel anymore. Being indifferent, I thought, would make me lose the insecurity, and the constant let down by the ideals I hold people to.
Yet, the containment of emotions didn’t change the direction of my negative energy. I was even more bitter, sad, easily annoyed/ irritated and lost the motivation to pave the path I wanted. If I channel all these emotions to become passions to something I love, something I want, maybe that will unleash the potential I know is somewhere inside of me, despite what naysayers say.
“We are all writing stories, we’re all the main characters, we’re the protagonists, but we are also the script writers. Sure, we throw in plot devices and supporting characters, we try to juicy up the story to make it really interesting and palatable for people. But we decide who the main character is, we decide how he looks, how he feels… I’m not living out someone else’s script, they can say anything they want, but it doesn’t stick, BECAUSE I HAVE THE PEN.”
– Benjamin Kheng
My mom once told me that we should teach children many things. Because they have no fear, they are malleable. They know not of the things they can’t do, but of the things that they haven’t tried. It doesn’t matter if they don’t shine in every area. They have the capacity to accept failure because they know not of the shame and stigma that comes with it. This struck a chord with me. I could blame the environment, and how everything is against me. But truthfully, no one is holding me back except myself, and my fears. They became so large, that they mentally obstruct any clarity in my vision.
Thank you Ben, thank you my good friend, thank you mom, for giving me the tools to rebuild, to go back into the boxing ring and finish what I have started. I feel refreshed, recharged and inspired to do the best I can for my internship and GMAT.
Here’s to writing a better future.