My palms are so sweaty and it’s 1am – the best time to explore some deep insights before continuing with the last lap of finals prep?

Recent conversations with friends, articles and posts online just got me thinking about the whole notion of bad relationships. It’s intrinsically conflicting – love and hurt. Perhaps a bad extrapolation here, but while some think you can’t experience happiness if you never knew sadness (faint reference to inside out – great movie btw), I don’t agree with that about “love” and hurt.

Obviously I don’t mean you won’t experience the pits in a relationship because whether you are in one or not, you will always go through the ups and downs as with motions of life. There will always be difficult moments, as well as elating ones; they can be caused by, or shared with your beloved ones. Having more expectations of the people closest to you also means sharing your most intimate lives with them. It can be an emotional ride, but all worthwhile because at the end of the day, you know with absolute certainty that they will be there no matter how terrible, how distressing, how heart-wrenching circumstances can be.

What I mean though, are the risks we take with relationships. No one knows for sure they will work out at the end. As much as I am always invested in happy endings and fairytale love stories, the practical part of me knows that some are not everlasting and people may grow apart instead of together. Although, that could also be classified under “unfortunate” part of life. What makes me really nervous though, is the whole other dark side of “relationships” that no one really talks about – the really ugly, toxic, evil-spewing relationships.

I don’t really know how to go on from here, because I don’t know how to articulate the seriousness of this issue while ensuring it’s justified enough. But I’ll say this: constant belittling/ temper-throwing/ guilt trapping etc. might not seem as serious as domestic violence, sexual assaults, abuse and hundreds of other frightening things that do happen, but they are equally terrifying. Many make excuses, for their “other half”, or themselves because they would never imagine they would ever be in that position because love doesn’t and shouldn’t do that to people. Arguments happen for sure, but they are balanced out by mutual respect and care at the end of the day. If you find yourself having to justify why you should love someone (maybe because you used to have wonderful memories, maybe you think you knew that someone, maybe..) then maybe it’s time to take a step back and reflect on how maybe the relationship is the problem rather than yourself. If you are hurting 99.9% of the time, something isn’t right.

I am no love guru, and am certainly no expert on relationships, but I think it’s important to voice the unglam side of relationships? But really, if you find yourself possibly in this position, do a quick google of toxic relationships and do something about it. I am definitely more of an optimist, and a hopeful that my white horse will show up one day (please don’t let it be when I’m 80, or never :O). But I do have this irrational fear that history might repeat itself with me, and I never ever ever want to experience something like that (who does?), especially if I can avoid it before sealing a marriage. Because if I were to have a family in the future, I would never want my children to have to go through painful mistakes made by adults, if I can help it. Now maybe I should go worry about having no boys like me instead, that’s more the issue isn’t it? :p Jokes aside though, I’ll leave this post with some food for thought:

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