Rawness

So much to do, so much to say.

Is this a part of growing up? – Figuring out your vulnerabilities and learning to accept them. Her childhood was certainly not a piece of cake, she could hardly count the number of times she had immersed herself in Linkin Park songs, or fibbed about where she was, just so she would not return to that suffocating environment. She had her fair share of fond memories, however, when her parents would hold her hand, when they took her to places, and when they cared for her as a sickly child.

And now it was her turn to be an adult. Her past experiences had shaped her to who she was now, for better or for worse. With all the conveniences of a city, she still found herself skipping meals for days, and then ironically worrying about all the junk in her body and her mind deteriorating from insufficient nutrients. The daily scramble aside, she found her past starting to haunt her.

Some things, she had never talked about until recently, when someone came close to hitting a raw nerve. She was petrified. Those images flashed back in her mind like they happened yesterday, except they occurred over her lifetime. She would catch on to any similarities, and pull away, for fear that history would repeat itself. She was conflicted, for she desired something so pure, so genuine, that she voided herself of emotion. Things could get very ugly, she had witnessed them herself, and there was nothing she could do to stop her mind from entering the dark spaces. Someone asked her why, for something that was supposed to be enjoyable and passionate, she was so reserved. Because, she answered in the depths of her own silence – she might actually be happy, if she tried. The catch was – she might not be able to go through the hurt and come out alive, if the Pandora box opened.

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