How can you understand something that you’ve never had?

In a rut these couple of days. I keep complaining about how stressed I am, but I can’t find a way to destress because there is a billion and one things I need to do. Just to keep a checklist: set-up TF group & excel sheet for Portugal, finish grading the rest of the individual assignments, exchange currency, do laundry, figure out why bursar is charging me an additional 7k – please let that be a mistake, I freakin don’t have the money, don’t even have enough money for next month’s rent if my job reimbursement $$ doesn’t come in. I wanna go home, the comfort of home and acceptance and good food. I miss my piano so much, it’s gone forever. I deactivated my FB again, because I’ve had enough of reality.

I wish someone was coming with me to Portugal. Our lead faculty suddenly dropped out because of health reasons. He looked so thin, so fragile, but his mind is still so brilliant. I don’t know him, but I just want to give him a hug and tell him to hang in there. Really makes you contemplate life and its mortality. And I look at all the junk food I’m consuming, instead of real nutritious dinners. And I look at my waistline expanding and my thighs growing. And then I fear for my own heart, combined with the little sleep to repair broken cells. And then I wonder, what am I doing, my life’s a mess.


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