Thoughts

I had just gotten back from a trip to Lisbon, Portugal a week ago, and I think I left my heart there. Surprisingly, it was the most relaxing trip I have ever been on, even though I had to get up earlier than when I have classes and even though it was technically a work trip where I had to be responsible for over 200 students. I think it was because for the first time ever, it was a trip that was not packed from dawn to dusk. I had time to slow down and basically not do anything – something that I have trouble attuning myself to. It was as if I was removed from this reminder that I have to stay busy to put up some facade that I was doing something fulfilling though I felt far from it.

It gave me a different perspective on life – trying not to be cliché, but desperately failing. While I was there, I was not doing anything past 6pm, since all the touristy places closed prior to that. I feel mentally recharged, like nothing was weighing me down, rather than filling my brain with a constant checklist of things I need to complete. It’s not that it’s bad to have things to do, for I do have this other fear that we are always 逆水行舟,不进则退。Basically meaning that if we don’t strive forward, we will go backwards. It’s just that it’s nice to take a breather sometimes.

Another thing from the trip was a topic that I had been avoiding for a long time – relationships. I really regret confiding those things, because they don’t know and they don’t want to know and they judge – it’s just human nature. I didn’t go into details, of course, but it was as if a door was closed before it even opened, and no, I am really not that broken. I think everyone has insecurities, maybe I have just a tad more. Oh well, fun things to think about.

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